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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25427299">A Letter For You • UshiTen AU</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwhale/pseuds/moonwhale'>moonwhale</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:55:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,574</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25427299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwhale/pseuds/moonwhale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ushijima Wakatoshi and Tendou Satori are both countryside boys. Growing up together, Ushijima has been Tendou’s “Guardian Angel” from the bullies, from humiliation, from academic conflicts, even from family problems. Ushijima naturally grew inside Tendou’s heart, and Tendou grew inside Ushijima’s. It was like they were made just for each other. </p><p>But time changes things, and age changes people. Ushijima decided to go to the city for his future, of course, Tendou is part of it but Tendou declined. </p><p>Ushijima went to the city alone and scared. Scared that this set-up might make Tendou’s feeling waver but Tendou promised to never ever forget about him. He will wait for Ushijima and keep him inside his heart in one condition... Tendou asks that Ushijima write him a letter once a month. </p><p>Ushijima never failed to send Tendou letters for months... and months... but one day, a letter came for Tendou that starts with a line... </p><p>“My Satori... as I write this letter... there’s someone else in my mind.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>UshiTen</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanWangxian/gifts">LanWangxian</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Go for it!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Ushijima glared at Tendou, this guy, visibly smaller in size beside him is too relaxed and confident and it annoys him.</p><p>Ushijima didn't reply. He just stared at him hoping he'll get the gist of what he wants to convey.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Eh? Why look at me like that, Wakatoshi-kun?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He hates it, Ushijima hates it so much. He hates how much he knows that Tendou is keeping his cool because it's him. Tendou isn't showing even the slightest doubt in his eyes. Ushijima sits up in the bed.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <strong>"Aren't you scared, Satori?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Of what?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Of what might happen?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"It's you, Wakatoshi-kun. How can I ever be afraid?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Satori smiled at him. That smile. it's that fucking smile. How can he always just show that smile to him? That smile that became Ushijima's strength and weakness at the same time.</p><p>Come to think of it, it was that smile that made Ushijima stood up for someone for the first time. That was when they moved into this countryside and the first thing he saw was a young boy getting picked on by boys of the same age. The bullies walked away but as soon as Ushijima's eyes met with that poor beaten up boy... he smiled at him.</p><p>That was when it all started. Their life in the countryside was never easy. It was like a ride in a rough or muddy road depending on the situation. For Ushijima, he feels like a steering wheel of that ride, and that boy named Tendou Satori, he became the driver... taking full control over Ushijima.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"You're not scared that we might change if I go to Tokyo?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Change is inevitable. All things will change. I just need you to not forget what we have."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Wakatoshi-kun, write me a letter once a week” </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>“A letter?” </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>“A letter. Nah. Scrap once a week, make it twice a month... or even once a month will do... I— I just wanna feel like you’re still with me.” </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Mhn. I won't forget, Satori."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>____________________________________________________________________</p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>How can he forget about him? How can he forget about his smile, his voice, his annoying way of calling him <em>Wakatoshi-kun</em> but makes him quiver inside? His careless position of lying in bed at that time. That was the last time he ever felt his skin...</p><p>And that was it, right? Those things. All those things about Satori...</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Do I still have the right to miss him and all those things about him?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Ushijima removed the blankets covering his naked body and gets up of his bed to look for his clothes. He gets a piece of paper and a pen to start writing.</p><p>But before he proceeds, he looks back to his bed to stare at that person with half of the face that's no longer visible because of its copper blonde hair. <em>He's sleeping soundly.</em> Ushijima stares at the blank paper, he covers his face and let out a huge sigh as he runs his palms from his face through his hair.</p><p>He proceeds in writing...</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"My Satori, </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>As I'm writing this letter...</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>there's someone else in my mind."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Call My Name</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> My Dear Satori,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As I am writing this letter, there's someone else in my mind.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been over a year, and I don't think things are going our way anymore... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Are you feeling tired lately? Because I am.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Satori I've been so tired lately... </em>
</p><p>
  <strong> ------------------------------------------------------ </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As Ushijima finish the letter, he decided that he'll take his bath to get ready for his work.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi-kun..."  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He looks back with surprising round eyes, only to find the person already awake...</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> I could've sworn I heard Satori's voice calling me. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima groans as he massages his nape.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "What did you call me?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Uhm... Wakatoshi?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Just that?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Is there another way I should address you?"  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>The person pouted and push the blanket just below his waist revealing his also naked body.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi, can you join me here some more?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He taps the empty beside to invite Ushijima. Ushijima obediently lay down beside him as the person stares endearingly on his face that, as usual, lacks expression.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi, can you say my name?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Why?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Nothing. I just wanna hear you say it." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima looks straight into his eyes. It's not easy to tell what he wants to tell. There's only one person who can decipher his smallest to his deepest thoughts.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Satori... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi c'mon, you've been calling my name last night. Can't you just say it now?"  </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>The person intertwined his fingers with Ushijima's as he placed his head on Ushijima's lap. He's looking at the latter, trying to convince him while pouting.</p><p> </p><p>Wakatoshi sighs and proceeds to gently play with that person's hair.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Are you afraid to lose me... Shirabu?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <strong> _____________________________________________________________________ </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My Dear Satori,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As I am writing this letter, there's someone else in my mind.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been over a year, and I don't think things are going our way anymore... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Are you feeling tired lately? Because I am.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Satori I've been so tired lately... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been a year full of worries, fears, and doubts but never have I doubted you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I thought I'm rigid enough for this, for everyone's expectations, for your unyielding trust...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but I've been badly wavering lately and I need something to grasp...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That was when I found him... Shirabu Kenjiro... </em>
</p><p>--------------------------------------</p><p>[Ushijima's POV]</p><p>
  <em> City life was far different from the countryside. Maybe my aloof personality is helping since I don't feel the need to interact. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I was having my morning run that one time and pass by a near park. The A group of teenagers was playing volleyball and I couldn't think of anyone else but you, my Satori. </em>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"<strong> You're glowing." </strong></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> An unfamiliar voice was heard from my ear where I just pulled my earphones off. He's a young... no, he just looks young. He's probably the same age as me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After that day, I bumped into him a few more times in the past weeks and he just keeps on saying the same thing. </em>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "You're glowing." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Until one day before going out of the office... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ushijima! Ushijima Wakatoshi." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> It was him. Why does he know my name? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "You're probably wondering why I know your name. I asked someone from your department. Don't you know that we're officemates? I'm just from the creatives department." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> How would I know? I don't think I am obliged to know everyone here. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I also live in the same building as you." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ahh. Then, take care going home." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima proceeds to walk out of the building.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi! Can I keep calling you that way?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima stops and looks back only to give him a simple nod. He proceeds to walk again.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi-kun!..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> What did he just call me? Why does his voice sound like Satori's </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ushijima Wakatoshi!"  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima looks back, this time he stared at him.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "I am Shirabu Kenjirou...  </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> ...Wakatoshi, you're glowing." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Was it only his mind that is playing tricks on Ushijima? Because right at that moment, when Shibaru curved his lips up and the wrinkles in his eyes showed...</p><p>Ushijima felt like a door inside him just opened itself for this person.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em> Satori... he smiles just like you. </em> </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Wait For Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> My Dear Satori,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As I am writing this letter, there's someone else in my mind.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been over a year, and I don't think things are going our way anymore... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Are you feeling tired lately? Because I am.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Satori I've been so tired lately... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been a year full of worries, fears, and doubts but never has I doubted you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I thought I'm rigid enough for this, for everyone's expectations, for your unyielding trust...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but I've been badly wavering lately and I need something to grasp...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That was when I found him... Shirabu Kenjiro... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He's a good person, too good that I kept him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Or should I say... he kept me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My Satori while I was away, you're probably lonely... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And while you were lonely, I did a terrible mistake... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------------</p><p>[Ushijima's POV]</p><p> </p><p>I only have a few friends here, if you can call my workmates who always have their meals with me or always ask me out to join their nightlife.</p><p>Out of them, Shirabu is the clingiest. He just... he just doesn't give up easily.</p><p> </p><p>He'll keep on asking me to eat lunch together... always asking me trivial things like my favorite color, food, or song. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> You're my favorite thing, Satori. You and nothing else. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He will just keep on trying to approach me no matter how many times I tried to reject him.</p><p>He's annoying for me, just like you, but don't get me wrong, Shirabu is a good person... He actually entertains me...</p><p>He is like a lost child who was deceived into a house full of sweets and decided to just cling in there.</p><p> </p><p>Then I found him one night...</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi!"  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu waves his hand smiling, running towards Ushijima.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> He reeks of alcohol, I'm pretty sure he's drunk. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima walks with him inside the building when...</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Young boys! Sorry but the elevator malfunctioned just minutes ago. Can you wait a little longer?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima looks at the swaying Shirabu that is now supporting his back on the wall. He's so close to tumbling into the ground.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Excuse me, Sir but how long will it take?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "The fastest probably is around half an hour." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima looks again at Shirabu who's in a worse state now.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "We will take the stairs then, thank you so much!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>With no words said, Ushijima supported Shirabu going up.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "7th floor. Room 05." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> 05 huh? Satori why does everything reminds me of you?  </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu answered half-consciously. He's so close to passing out when they reached his room so Ushijima had to search Shirabu's key in his pockets.</p><p>They entered the room but even before reaching the bed, Shirabu threw up in his clothes. </p><p> </p><p>Ushijima proceeds on removing the clothes, he changed his shirt with the one he saw hanging and was about to go when something caught his eye in that room lit with only the moon and streetlights... it was a portrait of him, hand-drawn.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> This was... when we first met.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p> </p><p>A week after I tucked that drunk Shirabu in his room, was the day I realized what am I to him.</p><p>He went to a run with me that morning, I don't wanna talk to him because that portrait would normally freak others out too right?</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Wakatoshi... I think I know what happened last night, please don't avoid me."  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>I purposely put my earphones in full volume to not hear anyone including him but as I said... he just doesn't give up. He pulled my arm to stop me.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Fine, I'll hear him out.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I don't care about what others think of me... if i'm clingy, or attention-seeker... I only need your attention Wakatoshi..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>What does he even mean by-- </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I don't care if you have someone in your heart... I just wanna stay near you... be close to you... give me a chance, Wakatoshi." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>Can't he understand? I already told him I love someone named Sator--- </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You're my muse... </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>...and I'm so scared of losing you, Wakatoshi-kun!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>Scared of losing me? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>But how does it feel to have someone who's scared of losing you? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>What is this striking feeling made by that sudden question? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Why do I feel a huge void inside myself while trying to figure out the answer? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Maybe... maybe I don't have the answer... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Maybe Shirabu will let me know how that feels?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> My Dear Satori,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As I am writing this letter, there's someone else in my mind.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been over a year, and I don't think things are going our way anymore... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Are you feeling tired lately? Because I am.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Satori I've been so tired lately... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been a year full of worries, fears, and doubts but never has I doubted you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I thought I'm rigid enough for this, for everyone's expectations, for your unyielding trust...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but I've been badly wavering lately and I need something to grasp...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That was when I found him... Shirabu Kenjiro... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He's a good person, too good that I kept him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Or should I say... he kept me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My Satori while I was away, you're probably lonely... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And while you were lonely, I did a terrible mistake... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You said that change is inevitable and all things will change but I know one thing that won't... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You'll always be my Satori, you'll forever be.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> One day I'll go back there when I'm ready to face you and I'll make sure to sort things out with you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Until that day, can you wait for me? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> --------------------------------———-</em>
</p><p>[Ushijima's Present POV]</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi, where are you?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> But it's about time I do this, Shirabu. I'm sorry for keeping you hanging on me for so long... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>Wakatoshi already expected this, Shirabu will notice his absence and him not notifying him what this is about... he answered the voice on the other line...</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'm going to see Satori." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori? Wakatoshi, you really think this is the right thing to do?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Then is staying with you the right thing to do?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "You should've cut off what was between you two. REMEMBER YOU CHEATED ON HIM WITH ME!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima knows that well, that is why a year ago, he sent that letter to Satori.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Satori will be waiting for me, I'm sure he will. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> He will hear me out. He doesn't have to forgive me right away... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> But I know my Satori will hear me out. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> But change really is inevitable... that probably, even Satori was taken over by it? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Oh if this isn't Toshi! How are you?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>It's that kind old man who always let us play on his small farm. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ojichan? I'm doing fine... May I ask if you have you seen Satori and his grandpa? I've been calling on their house--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori? Didn't you know what happened?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I... I'm sorry ojichan, I don't think I have..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "That poor Satori lost his grandpa a year ago... that poor little boy, his grandpa was all he has left but now..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Disappointment and heartbreak are painted all over the old man's face but Ushijima suddenly felt like he's being sucked in a warp.</p><p>He can't feel his own body nor hear anything around him... it's just basically a feeling of a void eating him all up...</p><p> </p><p>"That poor Satori lost his grandpa a year ago" is repeating and echoing inside his mind like a broken music tape playing in reverb.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> It couldn't be... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> A year ago? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> That was...  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Why does it have to be at that time? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Satori... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Satori lost everything that he has... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Satori was left with no one else... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> I'm sorry... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> I'm sorry, my Satori. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Warm tears went rolling down in his face.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Tears supposed to taste salty... then what is this bitter pain I'm tasting in my lips right now?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Satori was all alone, he lost his only family, and that time his letter even added in his pain. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> How can I be this stupid to cause him greater pain? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> How can I so selfish and dumb... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> How... no... why do I still keep on thinking about me? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Satori... how could he handle all of those? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Then, in a snap, Ushijima went back to his trance.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "O-- ojichan... Sa-- Satori? Where is Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Toshi, Satori went to Tokyo after his grandpa's burial. He said he'll look for you there." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tokyo? Alone? But--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "No, no, you poor boy... didn't you met him? He was not alone... hmm... what was the name of that boy. Also, it's been a year and that boy hasn't come back here." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Boy? Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Nah the one who went with Satori... he was your friend too. You three couldn’t even be separated when you were young..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Could it be?  </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Now it's like a bucket full of ice was thrown into Ushijima's whole body... It's been a year, they could've found me if they really searched for me... It's been a year...</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> All this time... they we're looking for me? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> All this time... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p><em> Satori is with Eita </em>.</p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> My Dear Satori,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As I am writing this letter, there's someone else in my mind.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been over a year, and I don't think things are going our way anymore... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Are you feeling tired lately? Because I am.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Satori I've been so tired lately... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's been a year full of worries, fears, and doubts but never has I doubted you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I thought I'm rigid enough for this, for everyone's expectations, for your unyielding trust...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but I've been badly wavering lately and I need something to grasp...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That was when I found him... Shirabu Kenjiro... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He's a good person, too good that I kept him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Or should I say... he kept me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My Satori while I was away, you're probably lonely... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And while you were lonely, I did a terrible mistake... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You said that change is inevitable and all things will change but I know one thing that won't... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You'll always be my Satori, you'll forever be.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> One day I'll go back there when I'm ready to face you and I'll make sure to sort things out with you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Until that day, can you wait for me? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'll go back there once I've gathered up all my courage to ask for your forgiveness... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Because the truth is, no matter what I do... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It's still you Satori.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's only you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It will always be you, my Satori </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - Wakatoshi </em>
</p><p> </p><p>[Eita's POV]</p><p> </p><p>Eita crumpled the sheet of paper with all his might with his breathing that is heavier than usual. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em> This piece of shit. </em> </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>In reality, Eita doesn't really know if he's still referring to that trash he just read or the person who wrote it. He immediately hides the paper after he saw a familiar figure walking it's way to him.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> That perfectly spiked hair, beautiful rounded eyes, and small soft lips. I can never get it wrong, it's Tendou. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi! Why are you here?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> He's still smiling after what happened and that fucking bastard wants to take that smile away. tch. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "You went to Ojichan?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "It's only been a week but I already miss him." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou smiles while scratching the back of his head.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ah... why are you here, Semi?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Why does Tendou keep on smiling? He's hurt. He's supposed to cry. He's supposed to break down and tell me that he's in pain... why... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tendou?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Huh?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Will you..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi? Is something wrong?' </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "TENDOU! IF NO LETTER FROM USHIJIMA ARRIVES THIS MONTH WILL YOU GO TO TOKYO WITH ME INSTEAD?!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>This is all the emotion that Eita has been keeping in, from that day he realized that he wants to protect Tendou to the day that Ushijima made him realize that Tendou will never be his. </p><p> </p><p>It was fine at first. Who cares about his feelings anyway... he doesn't really care about it... </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> I just want to be near Tendou.  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I want to protect him. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I want to cry for him. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I just want to make him smile.  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> In whatever form...  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> In whatever way...  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> as long as it's Tendou...  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> It will be enough. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>but now all Eita cares about is what Tendou would feel if he sees that letter... Eita decided that he will never let him know about that piece of trash.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Alright." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Huh?!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Didn't you ask me to go to Tokyo with you?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Y-- you'll go? with me?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Why not? We can go look for Wakatoshi-kun there." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "O-- Of course. We can... look for him." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> I am not even sorry, Ushijima. This time... I'm taking Tendou from you and you wouldn't stand a chance... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> I am not letting you take him away... not even his smile. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p> </p><p>[Eita's Flashback POV]</p><p> </p><p>We all grew up together, Tendou me and Ushijima. Ushijima just moved in our neighborhood but he was the first to stand up against those bullies for Tendou. After Tendou's parents separated and left him to his grandpa, Ushijima was the first to invite Tendou in a meal with his family. On Tendou's first score in volleyball game in highschool it was Ushijima to clap for him first. Ushijima is always the first to do things for Tendou. They're each other's first. Aren't they a match made in heaven?<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> While me? I'm their friend who is always on the sideline. Always watching. Just watching. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I don't mind just watching Tendou smile as long as he's fine... but no one told me that admitting to your self how much you love a person will also bloom a feeling of wanting to keep that person for yourself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So one day, I decided to write a letter to Tendou... whether he accepts it or not... I just don't wanna waste this chance of letting him know. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but... </em>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Eita?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ushijima? What are you doing in our classroom?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> This was after our class, I was waiting for Tendou to end their practice and meet me here. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Do you like Tendou?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ush-- Ushijima, you're really straight forward as ever huh?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>I tried laughing it off but he seems serious about his question...</p><p> </p><p>And this time he's already looking at the folded piece of paper that I'm holding. He took it from my hand and I have no clue why I let him.</p><p> </p><p>I just stood there... frozen.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Do you really wanna do this, Eita?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Why? You'll stop me." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "No... but don't blame me if our friendship will change after you do this." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>That's a heavy blow on me. Of course, I know the chances, after this... if Tendou rejects me... will we be able to be the same way?</p><p> </p><p>Will I still get to see him smile?</p><p> </p><p>Will Tendou still smile at me the same way?</p><p> </p><p>Ushijima stood there and I was like being held as his hostage.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Think about it." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p><em> Think about it </em>  sure sounds like  <em> Don't even try </em> coming from Ushijima. After a few more seconds, that's what Ushijima said and turned his back at me to go.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ushijima! You're only saying this coz you wanna keep Tendou to yourself!!!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He hands me back the letter with his typical expressionless face. And the answer that he said that day was the reason I never shove myself to Tendou.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "The one who'll keep him... he's the one to decide that, Eita."  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Right there and then... I realized... that no matter what I do...</p><p>Tendou will always wish to be kept by Ushijima and no one else.</p><p> </p><p>__________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi... Semi..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita woke up from a familiar voice calling out to him... a gentle poke on his cheeks was also felt. He opened his eyes but didn't move nor made a sound for a minute.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi? Bad dream?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "No... more like a bad memory." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita snatched a pillow to cover his face as he groans. His other hand searched for someone's hand and intertwined his.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "This is not a dream, right Tendou?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hahaha! What are you saying? Of course, it's not." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita removed the pillow on his face only to be greeted by sun rays and that smile. His favorite smile complimented by his beautiful rounded eyes and small soft lips.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> This is not a dream... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Tendou really is with me now. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chocolate Ice Cream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[Eita's Present POV]</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi!!!!!!!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> I think my right ear became deaf for a second.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hmm? What was it?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "What was it?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'll be home soon. I just left the few minutes ago." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Did you pass by the convenience store already?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Oh shit. His chocolate ice cream. How could I forget? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Can we just get it tomorrow, huh Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I really want it tonight tho..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Damn it. Why can I see his pouty face. Also, what's with his long pause? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tho? What is it hmm?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tho if you're tired, you can just go straight home. I'll just be waiting here...  <em> honey. </em> " </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Damn it. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Fine fine! I'm getting it." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wait if you're--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Sorry, Satori. I'll have to end that call or I'm going to combust in the middle of this crowded street. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tch. Satori should really stop playing that "honey" card on me. I am sure he's rolling around the floor laughing with how I reacted.</p><p>Well what can I do? After a year of living together with him, he sure knows how to get around things with me better than when we were just kids.</p><p>Back then I'm letting him have his way with me coz I'm favoring him but right now... that sneaky brat... he just shoves his way with me.</p><p>And he plays dirty tricks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> <em> "Semi... get me chocolate ice cream... no? but honey?" </em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em> "Semi are you tired? Why don't we watch this horror movie that I got?... Please..." </em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em> "Semi... I'm talking to you... Can you please pay attention to your husband?" </em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Damn it. Is there a chance not to hear those tricks he's been using on me while I search for that chocolate ice cream? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em> _______________________________________________________________________ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Eita's mind is bugged by those teasings from Satori. It was the 3rd convenience store that he checked but that brand of chocolate ice cream that he's trying to find are all not available. The fourth store don't even have a chocolate flavored ice cream.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> What kind of store doesn't sell chocolate ice cream? tch. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita have no other choice but to go the other way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Having a "husband" who craves sure is a pain in the ass. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita is only looking for an ice cream... but the world won't simply let him off of the trouble this time...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Eita--" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>A voice who's calling out to him was shrouded by a ring from his phone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hello--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Honeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy! i'm really sorry, you don't have to find it, I just want you here home soon!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita couldn't help but scowled.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Sato-- Honeeey? Are you still mad? Why aren't you calling me your husband?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hey Satori, can you keep it down a little, you're being too loud?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Right then and there Eita just wanna be swallowed up by the floor. He can't even lift his head out of embarrassment. He's sure that the other costumers and the cashier are looking at him. He's not even in loudspeaker but Satori is intentionally keeping this converstation loud.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Why, honey? Are you embarrassed? Don't you love your husband anymore? Did you forget that you asked me to live with you?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita stopped listening and just picked the chocolate ice cream brand that he's been looking for.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori! You--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Oh no, my husband is mad. I better hung up." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Satori... you... you really know that you got me under your grip. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita walked out of the convenience store. He is admittedly annoyed but he's genuinely happy at the same time. Especially when it took Satori a long time to finally act that way again...</p><p>for Satori to finally joke around and laugh again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Eita..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita stood there frozen. He actually forgot about that rough firm voice who call out his name earlier in the convenience store. That voice...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ushijima..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>And right behind Eita, as he turn back, was really Ushijima. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Eita... why did you do it?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Huh? Don't you think that question suits you better...  <em> Wa. Ka. to. Shi. Kun? </em> </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima rushed towards Eita in the blink of an eye. He grasped the latter by his collar. Ushijima's face is all heated up from his piercing eyes to his gritting jaw.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Are you living with Satori? Where is Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Why don't you put me down first? or do you wanna put on a show in the middle of these busy street?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita was put down calmly as expected. Ushijima's face turn a bit calmer than earlier.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "We're living together bu--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Was it him... that voice... from earlier?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Ushijima, why are you looking for him? Did you forget? You choose someone else over him..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori will hear me out--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "BUT THAT DOES NOT ERASE THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT HIM FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>That question caught Ushijima... unlike back then, this time it's Ushijima who was left frozen and unable to process the truth he heard while he watch Eita walk away.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><strong> "Ushijima, listen... I can't let you near him again... this time, I'm the one who's staying with him. Sorry." </strong> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Eita... you know that it's Satori who should decide who keeps him." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita clenched his fist and turn to Ushijima once again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"I KNOW!!! OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IT IS ME WHO KNOWS THAT WELL, USHIJIMA!!!...</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>I WANT HIS HAPPINESS MORE THAN YOU DO! I KNOW IM NOT THE ONE WHO GETS TO KEEP HIM! BUT I'M WILLING TO KEEP HIS HAPPINESS IN HIM MORE THAN YOU!</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>I DID SOMETHING TO KEEP HIM THAT TIME BUT UP UNTIL NOW I KNOW THAT IT'S STILL NOT ME!"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Other passers by are already looking at them, but it doesn't matter anymore. Both Ushijima and Eita are now caught up in their emotions.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE HIM HAPPY?! HIS PLACE AND HAPPINESS IS YOU! YOU THINK I SELFISHLY KEPT HIM LIKE A LIFELESS DOLL?! </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> I WOULD SELL THE WORLD FOR HIM! I'LL TRADE MY SOUL FOR HIM! I'M READY TO TURN HIM OVER TO YOU JUST SO I CAN MAKE HIM HAPPY, USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI!... </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> I've tried to...  </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> Believe me Ushijima... I tried to...  </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> At first I thought keeping him away is a bad idea that I gambled for but even after that I still know that with you is where he should be...  </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p><strong> But where he should be isn't really where he needed to be, </strong> <strong> Ushijima... I tried...  </strong></p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> but Ushijima it's you who should know... </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> that Satori decides who keeps him." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Honeeeeey-"  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou was originally planning to greet Eita with his nonstop teasing. The latter always acts annoyed but he's sure that he's happy being teased... also Tendou is genuinely enjoying it.</p><p>He just likes it... the feeling that he's making Eita happy. </p><p>But that's not the case tonight...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi?"  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou rushed towards Eita with disheveled shirt and a soaked face because of his eyes that seem to be crying long enough.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi? Semi what happened?"  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>The other one is just standing straight and looking at him with his eyes still shedding tears silently. Semi's eyes are full of pain. </p><p>Full of things he can't name but Tendou is sure that he's been keeping all those tears for so long. </p><p>He's been keeping those pain and tears for him for so long.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori... I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi, what happened? </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'm sorry I've been selfish..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>Eita broke down in front of Tendou with the ice cream that's probably all melted down now but still intact tightly in his hand as if it's something really important. Tendou knelt in front of Eita and smiled at him while caressing his hair... Tendou doesn't feel like he has the right to embrace Eita when he's surely knows that he's the reason why Eita is crying...<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Can I hug you... Semi?"<br/><br/></strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Eita looks at Tendou but didn't answer him with yes nor no. Eita just cried more like a child begging for forgiveness while looking straight in his eyes. Tendou then slowly wrap his arms around Eita's back muffling the sound of Eita's crying.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'm really sorry, Satori... I've been selfish... I'm really sorry..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hush now, Semi. Stop apologizing to me... I should be the one saying sorry... </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> I'm sorry, Semi..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> I'm sorry coz I've been selfish, Semi.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p> </p><p>[Tendou's POV] <em> Flashbacks </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It's been months since Eita and I moved in the city... and after those months I still hasn't figured out why we really went here. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Are you really sure of moving here with me?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi, you asked me to move here remember hahaha" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I just thought you might wanna just--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Just stay there? That small town was nothing compared to this city, right? Also, we can look for Wakatoshi-here too." </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em> I laughed at him and Eita gave his usual timid smile but no. I was lying. City was nothing compared to where we grew up. It's just... it's better here that being trapped on that town where nowhere to hide if ever the cat came back to look for the mouse. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> For the first few months Eita and I always go out together. He won't let me go out without him and I'll keep giving him the... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Why do you treat me like a damsel in distress when I'm a full grown man?" joke and he'll just give me that calming "You're not familiar in the city." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As if he is familiar... though I think know why he's being that cautious. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But in this more than a year that we've been living together I've witnessed two sides of Semi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That overly cautious one... and the helpless one... sometimes I just feel like Semi is trying to push me away. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tendou--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I told you to call me, Satori!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Urgh. I grew up calling you Tendou, also the only one who really calls you Satori is..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "What is it that you want huh Semi?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> I can feel that he's has another agenda with me today. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Here... call this number when you have time." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> He hands me a piece of paper with the number written on it. Semi's looking like that again. His eyes were droopy while giving me that fake timid smile... We grew up together, I can't believe Semi still thinks that he can fool me with his foolish smiles.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "What is this for?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> Truth is... I think I know what this is... </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'll have to go to work now. Don't forget your bento when you go to work later." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> With just that, Semi left me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Now I'm sure what's going on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He did the same thing and acted the same way one time before when we were just more than a month here. He asked me to go out with him to check on something...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We went to a cafe in front of a sky high corporate building. Few minutes after we got there, Semi told me that he got an emergency from work and asked me to wait for him in that cafe.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That was lunch time and I was alone on that table, enjoying a chocolate cake, patiently watching different faces entering the cafe when one familiar face entered the store. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> To be honest, it's not a familiar face, it's the face I've memorized of and will never forget... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was Wakatoshi. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My whole body went cold and my mind went blank. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can't seem to see anyone other than him nor hear anything aside from my heart that's beating in a unusual speed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Something inside me... from deep unknown part of me... is crying to go to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I didn't even realized how I was smiling when I can't even take control of my own being at that moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nothing changed about Waakatoshi, it's still his shining smooth hair, shapeless soft little lips, clear bright... no, it's his eyes that changed. His eyes aren't as clear and bright as before.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Wakatoshi-kun, was facing things on your own that hard?  </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> But I can only whisper those words inside my head. My body won't move. And as usual, Wakatoshi doesn't really pay attention to people around him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I still looked away in case, and right at that moment he was about to look my way... my soul almost jumped... he almost saw me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Good timing when the cashier called him. He took his 2 coffee that he ordered and walked away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tears unconsciously fell on my face after I lost sight of him when he entered that corporate building. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> So that was it huh, Semi? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> Semi went back after lunch time and apologized to me for leaving me alone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>"How are you, Tendou?"</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>"I told you to call me Satori now."</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>"How... how are you? Did... something..."</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>"What? hahahaha fine, tsk. I just got bored."</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>"Oh. I see. I'm sorry, let's go back here next time. I won't leave you then."</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>"As you should!"</em> </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> Semi is doing that again, the face after he handed me now the paper with a number is the same as his face when he was asking me if something happened on that coffee shop. He planned on pushing me to Wakatoshi... I'm sorry Semi... but just like last time, I won't be accepting your nice guy role in this story. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I'm not calling, Wakatoshi.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Not now... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Not anytime soon... </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>[Tendou's POV] <em> Present </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'm really sorry, Satori... I've been selfish... I'm really sorry..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> At this moment, I wish that my body wrapped around him is warm enough to reach his heart.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hush now, Semi. Stop apologizing to me... I should be the one saying sorry... I'm sorry, Semi..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em> I'm sorry coz I've been selfish, Semi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm sorry for making you play the bad guy when in the first place it's me who's been messing up things for you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm sorry for using you as my scapegoat. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Semi, I've learned long before how to be happy here with you... but I just can't bear to show you that I'm still haunted by fear and pain or else you'll feel like your efforts are not enough...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Everything that you've done is enough, Semi... you are enough... and if I can teach myself at this moment I would've chosen to love you the way you love me... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But I'm a coward, I agreed to go here so I can run away from Wakatoshi coz if I stayed in that town he would've easily found me...  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I was so hurt that time that I just wanna run away from the truth bound by that letter... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yes, Semi, I've read the letter even before you did. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I'm sorry, Semi... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I think the bad guy here... is me all along. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Who Are You?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Sato--"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I told you to call me honeeey! Honey! H-O-N-E-Y!"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita can't help but look down and cover his face, he really can't understand his "honey" sometimes. Probably he never will understand what's going on with his mind but who cares, he wants him to enjoy things and be happy. No matter how embarrassing it may be, it doesn't matter as long as Tendou is smiling.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Honey, honey... say it to your wife... call me </span>
      <em>
        <span>honey</span>
      </em>
      <span>"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita is so close to smiling while looking at the chuckling Satori but this surely is making him red all over too. Who wouldn't? They're in a sauna and Tendou is asking him that they act like a couple in the middle of the judging crowds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw some guys secretly laughing but instead of getting embarrassed, Eita clenched his fist... pretty sure this good for nothing guys are making fun of him, he can bear it but not Tendou... Tendou was always making fun of when they were young and Eita or Ushijima will always come to rescue him coz Eita never fights back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eita gets out of the bath and holds Tendou's hand walking over those guys...</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Satori... honey... what do you think these guys are grinning about?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Semi you called me..."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"mhn? why? can't I call my wife </span>
      <em>
        <span>honey?</span>
      </em>
      <span>"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Eita then walked out of that bath while still pulling Tendou who's smiling from ear to ear.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"What at you smiling about?" Said Eita while putting on their clothes.</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"You... I never thought you'll do such a thing."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Can't I?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Of course, I just thought you're still the same Semi that frowns and asks people to fuck off or just glare at them. You're a man now huh?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tendou is still smiling while drying his hair</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Semi... I hope I can be enough for you,"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita took the towel in Tendou's hands and make him turn his back on his. He then smiled and gently wipe and dry Tendou's hair.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"You are and will always be."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Satori... he's someone who holds my heart with just a hand and he's not even aware... </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>He's someone who keeps me alive with his smile and laughter...</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>And I swear to god that I will fight whoever will take those from him...</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Whoever...</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita is on his way home that night while his thoughts are flying...</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"You!"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita keeps on walking without minding anyone or anything, he just wanna go home to Tendou when a guy runs and stand in front of him with a serious look in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Probably just a few inches smaller than me? What does he want?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Come with me"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guy with copper blonde hair walked first but Eita didn't move at all. Who would when a total stranger asked you to follow him right?</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I won't do anything to you, if you're in doubt then bring out your phone and ready the police's hotline."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span> As expected, Eita still didn't move a thing. The guy sighed hopelessly.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Fine. I'm Shirabu Kenjiro. I need to talk to you about Wakatoshi."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reached the apartment and Eita can't help but think that he's right, this is the same apartment where he saw Wakatoshi when he was still trying to find him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Dinner?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"No, thanks. Just make it quick. Somebody's waiting home for me."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita is seriously feeling uneasy knowing that this place is where Wakatoshi is staying with this guy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cheater. Tch.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>"Could it be... Satori?"</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>He gritted his teeth as soon as he heard Shirabu mentioned Satori's name.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Yes. What was it to you?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I sure know about your situation, Eita, right?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I don't think you do."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"But stealing someone else's property... isn't it the same as what I did?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as Eita wants to keep his cool, he can't control this uneasy feeling not because Shirabu is being an ass... but because there is no sound of being an ass in his words, he acts, speaks, and reacts with full honesty. Eita can't sense any malevolence in his words or intentions and that's what makes him irritated.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>How can he be this transparent knowing their role in this situation?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Eita, am I wrong?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Satori didn't cheat... Ushijima did"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Then why not do ourselves a favor..."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Up to this point, Eita sure where this conversation is going and it pisses him even more coz up until now Shirabu seems to be taking things calmly and mindfully. Eita walked towards the door but Shirabu followed him with those teary eyes as if he's a child getting left our by his playmates...</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I don't think I would agree to what you're gonna say--"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Don't we both wish to have them... moreover... for them to be happy?'</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Who are you to talk about what's gonna make them happy huh, Shirabu Kenjiro?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Satori... he's probably suffering, right? Everyday you get to go home and think about how he's handling the pain. He doesn't deserve--"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita couldn't take it anymore, he punched the wall just right beside Shirabu's face that left the latter with surprised eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"Who are you to talk about Satori's pain when you're the one who made those? Lemme ask you..."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eita pushed the wall his with another arm, locking Shirabu in between making him lean his back on the wall.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"If you're Satori... and I'm Ushijima acting like this to someone..."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>Few small steps were taken by Eita to put his body closer to Shirabu... his face slowly leaning to Shirabu that seems to have frozen on his spot... one of Eita's hands seem to be tracing Shirabu's chest without even touching his clothes... </span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"What would you have felt... Shirabu Kenjiro?"</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>With his lips just an inches away from Shirabu's and his hand few inches away from the latter's clothes, Eita stopped.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I'm pretty sure your primary goal is to keep Ushijima to yourself... but if you're also worried about them getting together that might hurt them both... that's not for us to decide."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before Eita took his last step out of the apartment, he looks back at the still speechless Shirabu.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <span>"I'm sorry about that. I don't have the slightest intention of touching you."</span>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I don't' sense evil in you and it annoys me... I can't even tell what you want or what you're thinking...</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Shirabu Kenjiro...</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Who are you?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Roots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Oy, Semi! Semi... Semi..."  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou keeps on calling Eita's name as if he's a child being dragged into a flu shot he despises.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "What?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Where are we going? You said we'll get something nice to eat?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Mhn but we will get something before that." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>They went to grab a bite after but Tendou can stop starring at what they brought while enjoying his food.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Oy Semi... why did we buy a plant hmn?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Taking care of you isn't enough, I want something else to take care of." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tch. More like I'm taking care of you... I'm the wife you know..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita can't help but laugh with Tendou's pouty face yet still sparkling eyes while digging in his food.</p><p>The two of them decide to walk on their way home, none of them are speaking but both are genuinely smiling. They're both sure that they're enjoying each other's company.</p><p>Tendou's heart is at ease because of the safety and comfort that being with Eita brings and Eita's heart s rejoicing being with Tendou in this peaceful night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi... I think it's so not you to buy a plant." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hahaha is that so? I just find plants endearing. You know... surviving on their own, without needing help from anyone or anything... they're as strong as you Satori." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Hahaha that's a weird analogy, Semi... but then..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou stopped walking so Eita stopped too. Tendou looks at Eita's eyes smiling while hugging the small plant on his chest with both his arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Then?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Then you should know that plants don't actually survive on their own, they have the sun, the air, and they have the land where they grip really tight to survive it's their source of strength and their foundation... Se-mi." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Unconsciously, Eita found himself blushing from his face to his ears with what Tendou said but the other burst out laughing out loud because of Eita's blushing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori!!!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "What what? No-- sorry-- your face is just so cute and funny-- ppft--" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "You're making fun of me!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "But I can't help it!" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi... Sa-- Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Just then they heard a voice calling them from behind. Eita's guard is all up. it's...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Wakatoshi... kun?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Take him inside. I'll wait here." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I won't take long, I promise." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita just gives Tendou an assuring smile.</p><p>It was a perfect day, a perfect night, but after all that happened Eita feels like it's his fault to hope for a peaceful life with Tendou again.</p><p>Coz in that almost perfect day, that almost perfect night, with the only perfect person he knows... Wakatoshi appeared.</p><p>He was drunk and is close to passing out. Eita wasn't really sure if it's a good thing but he found them before he totally passes out or else he'll be lying in the middle of the street.</p><p>Eita put down the plant that the bought and sat beside the door with the feeling of almost all his already left his body. Just a few minutes pass, Shirabu came.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Eita?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu was surprised to see Eita stood up and feel his hand gripping his arm. It only took one single look in Eita's eyes and a half-open door for Shirabu to understand what's going on. Shirabu tries to pull himself away but Eita just tightens his grip.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Don't, please. Just... just a few minutes... let them." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>But Shirabu just snatched his arm back and went straight inside their house leaving Eita with a dark lifeless expression in his face.</p><p>Shirabu found Tendou attending on the unconscious Wakatoshi inside his room. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Wakatoshi... he has never been that peaceful in his sleep while drunk...  </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He can't help but feel bad for himself while watching how easily Tendou is attending to Wakatoshi and Wakatoshi seem to be cooperating well to Tendou's instructions while changing his clothes even though he is asleep.</p><p>He's never seen this peaceful and relax drunk Wakatoshi. His image of drunk Wakatoshi was always...</p><p>those images of loneliness and longing...</p><p>those images of Wakatoshi's tears slowly rolling on the side of his face as Shirabu struggles to change his clothes...</p><p>those images of uncomfortable groans of Wakatoshi because of his touches...</p><p>those images of Wakatoshi never calling out to him...</p><p>it's always Satori... it's only Satori...</p><p> </p><p>When Tendou noticed him standing outside the door of their room, he smiled at him and walked towards him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Do not worry, I just changed his clothes. I'll take my leave now." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu has no idea also why but he grabs Tendou's arm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Can't you stay tonight?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"What?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Can't you stay tonight for Wakatoshi?"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Both of them were left speechless, Shirabu can't even lift his head to look at Tendou and Tendou is of course not expecting this and was left with a blank expression.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "You're here now. You can watch over him yourself." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou coldly replied but Shirabu has no plan on changing his mind. Tendou let out a huge sigh then tried to proceed walking but Shirabu did not let go.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Do you not hear him calling your name... Satori? </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>The way Shirabu said those names bear the same degree of pain with the way Wakatoshi calls his name. He felt bad for Shirabu, it pains his heart thinking if he's suffering too?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Why are you calling me in that painful manner?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...Are you suffering too?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...why— why is that you're also hurting?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...just how...</em>
</p><p>
  <em> ...can I hate you then? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The truth is Tendou actually hears it... and after all these years it's still the most beautiful sound he ever hears. It's just that this time, the way he calls him warms his heart but burns it up too much.</p><p>He avoided him all this time and seeing him earlier and staring at his face now brings warmth and chaos all over him.</p><p>Now Tendou is there, standing inside the house with Wakatoshi and Shirabu... everyone else in Tendou's situation would've felt the same pain he's enduring right now, right?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Please, Satori." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I'm with someone, he's waiting for me..." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "For Wakatoshi! Please!" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Then... let me just ask him to go ahead." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu, trusting Tendou's words let go but didn't move an inch where he's standing.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Semi..." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>But Eita is gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. He lied</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[Ushijima's POV]</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Change is a really weird concept, isn't it? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Out of the blue, you'll find yourself in a certain place, at a certain time, and you have no choice but to do the certain things that the situation will bring while you meet certain people along the way. </em>
  </p>
  <p><em> You get used to the place, time, and people. You learn to bear what's in it for you... but </em> <em>all of a sudden "changes" happened.  </em></p>
  <p>
    <em> Either small or grand... i</em>
    <em>sn't it just fucked up when something changes? </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> Change can fuck you up in the funniest and sometimes most painful way. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just like growing up... and moving to the city to have a new life... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just like the demands and expectations of people the people around you that are far from how you've grown up... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just like how you felt like you were not happy with all those burdens... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just like realizing how hard the real world is... and relying on someone to fill your emptiness... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just like the affirmation that you only need one thing and all your other goals can never compare... </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em> But also just like how you'll keep your pride just so you can defy those changes and prove something to yourself... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> And in the process, you don't only lose your self... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> You also lose that one thing you treasure the most... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> and when you look back the only thing that is left for you... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> is change. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Tendou agreed with Shirabu to stay that night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Tonight, just this night. I'll stay with you once more." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita took his leave without a word even before Tendou decides to stay. Hours after, Tendou also realized that Shirabu isn't in the living room anymore, he probably left without a word also. Now he is left alone with Ushijima.</p><p> </p><p>He went back inside the room to look at the peacefully sleeping Ushijima. How long has it been since he last stared at his face this close?</p><p>Tendou started caressing Ushijima's hair and it's just then when he realized that he's already lying beside him. He jolted sitting up realizing what was he was doing but Ushijima groans and reached for him, wrapping his arm around his waist.</p><p> </p><p>Tears started falling down Tendou's eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Just how long has it been since I last saw your face? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just how long have I been missing you? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Just how long... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> have I been pretending... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> that I don't wanna see you? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> All this time I wanna see you... </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I wanna see you coz I-- I miss you so much, Waakatoshi-kun. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>---------------------</p><p> </p><p>Tendou's eye grows bigger with the sudden feeling of Ushijima’s lips on him. It’s… calming.</p><p>He was confused about where they are or when did they get on that situation in the first place but it's impossible for him to think straight.</p><p> </p><p>Ushijima is smoothly pressing his lips on him…</p><p>Tasting his upper lip sweetly…</p><p>Biting his lower lip gently…</p><p>Owning him slowly…</p><p> </p><p>Ushijima stopped, he opened his eyes and stared at Tendou for a few seconds as he pulls Tendou's jersey up.</p><p>He also pulls Ushijima's jersey and he proceeds on kissing him again.</p><p>A step forward by Ushijima is a step backward for Tendou until they reached Ushijima's bed.</p><p>Another step of Ushijima and they’re already sitting at the corner of the bed.</p><p>Tendou felt Ushijima's soft hands caressing the back of his head down to his nape… he carefully laid him down.</p><p> </p><p>Ushijima is standing in front of him looking too majestic even in the dark.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> “Can I have you tonight?”  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima uttered making Tendou look up at him. He carefully crawled on top of Tendou with his hands still on the other’s chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> “Just tonight?”  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He said, cupping Ushijima's face with both of his hands.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> “Satori?”  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou, for the first time, felt a pain in his heart after hearing his name uttered by Ushijima in this situation? It feels so good yet it makes him feel like crying.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima wipes of the tears that rolled down Tendou's face and pecks a soft small kiss at Tendou's forehead.</p><p> </p><p>Another soft small kiss was given by Ushijima, this time he kissed Tendou's nose tip.</p><p> </p><p>As another peck landed on Tendou's lips the next thing they realized is that they're already totally naked and Ushijima seems to be enraptured by Tendou.</p><p>Gentle kisses move from Tendou's lips to his jawline and neck. Ushijima purposely makes his kisses soft and ticklish while kissing Tendou from his neck to his chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Can I go in you now, my Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima asked him in the sincerest and softest voice possible while cupping his right cheek. He nodded.</p><p>Tendou let out a small gasp when Ushijima, all of a sudden, thrust his thigh to feel him even better. After that, Ushijima's warm tongue slides from his navel up to his collar bone.</p><p>Tendou was looking straight at Ushijima's eyes while the latter do those things to him. Both of them already lost themselves in each other’s eyes. Tendou arched his back and let out restrained moans with Ushijima’s poundings inside him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> “Wakatoshi- kun-” </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> “Satori--”  </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima uttered Tendou's voice again and again with his groaning husky voice. Tendou felt his eyes tearing up because of the pain and pleasure of that moment.</p><p>It makes Tendou's night painfully sweet coz he can’t believe they’re one now. He feels like he’s gonna blow up with too much happiness.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> I don’t know what tomorrow may bring, what important is tonight, I am yours and you’re only mine, Wakatoshi-kun. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p>After what they did, as Tendou stares at Ushijima's face and as the moonlight from the window hits the latter's eyes that's staring back at him, the piled-up tears of Tendou that are ready to fall anytime soon glows.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> “Why are you crying, my Satori?”  </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Nothing. I'm just happy." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou is actually lying. He is happy but he's crying because he's too afraid of this happening. Because if he'll let this feeling tonight get inside him and one day, this thing might end and never happen again... Tendou won't be able to take it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Let's get dressed." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou stood up and was about to leave the room when he realized that Ushijima didn't follow him. He was still curled up under the blankets so Tendou went back and peek at Ushijima who was pouting and his small eyes are twinkling under the blanket</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Will you please not leave me like this, Satori?" </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou chuckles, while thinking that acting cute doesn't suit Ushijima... but he's still cute tho.</p><p>He lay down beside him once again. Ushijima's head on Tendou's chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> "Let's stay like this, Satori." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Mhn. 5 more minutes maybe." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "No. Forever." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Okay." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Just okay?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Why? Should I say that I won't?" </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "No, but you trust me that much." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "I do. I'll believe whatever you'll say, Wakatoshi-kun." </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> "Then, I'll promise to stay like this with you... and only you." </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>But those were all in the past, all in Tendou's memories. Tears are now racing down Tendou's face while he stares at the drunk Ushijima right now beside him while remembering how the two of them were back then. He gently caresses Ushijima's face while the latter is in deep sleep. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> What are you thinking right now, Wakatoshi-kun? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Could it be that you're thinking of me? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Or just like me... did you also try to erase my traces in your heart? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Did you succeed? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Because I didn't. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima never kept his promise. Ushijima lied but Tendou covered his face with his hands and cried some more when he realized that he's also been lying all this time.</p><p>He's been lying to himself from the beginning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Unspoken lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tendou woke up to a familiar smell.</p><p>That's the same smell of the omu-rice that Ushijima prepared the morning he woke up in the latter's room after spending the night with him when they were still in that old small yet simple town.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Is it still the only dish he can make?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou stood up and walked towards the kitchen.</p><p>Their eyes met.</p><p>And it's only at the moment he realized... that he shouldn't be there. </p><p> </p><p>Tendou was about to leave but Ushijima called him.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori... at least have your breakfast."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"No need. Someone's waiting for me."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He remembered Eita. He stayed up all night without even calling him.</p><p>Actually, he was too scared to call Eita last night.</p><p>Too scared that if he will call him, he'll breakdown, and Eita will realize how he never really get over Ushijima.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Eita will get hurt. He has been hurting. I don't wanna cause him any more pain.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>But he's stopped and now he's not even moving an inch. His body probably doesn't wanna go.</p><p>or is it his heart that doesn't wanna leave?</p><p>Tendou clenched his fist. He's lying again. He's making himself believe that he wanna go.</p><p>And he felt a lot more terrible for using Eita as an excuse to convince himself when the truth is...</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>It's not that I can't move. It's not my body...</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>It's just me.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I don't wanna be away from him.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Not again.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima probably realized how he is not trying to escape anymore.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Eita... he actually called... earlier."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"He did?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Mhn. He asked me to prepare a nice meal. He... he told me to not let you go unless you had your breakfast."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>Eita's voice, while he's scolding Tendou, rang in Tendou's head.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Satori! Eat first before you go! You are not leaving unless you eat, you need the energy to start your day.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou clenches his fist even tighter, he looked back, and for the first time... he glares at Ushijima.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"What do you really want, Ushijima?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Sa-- Satori--"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Tell me!"</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>Ushijima is surely shaken. That was the first time that Tendou glared at him, he saw him do that for just a few times but never to him.</p><p>It was always smiles and laughter that Tendou is giving him. Also...</p><p>Tendou used his last name... he has always been calling him by his first name.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Let's eat first."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou, who seem to got his trance back, calmed down and sat down to eat.</p><p>For the whole meal, none of them said a word.</p><p>Ushijima has been staring at Tendou the whole time. He missed that view so much that he can cry right there and then. He missed Satori so much that he can't even finish his food.</p><p>While Tendou didn't even spare a glance and finished his food fast.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'll have to go now."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Don't... please."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"What now?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I... I have your favorite cho- chocolate ice cream."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou sighs. This is frustrating and he just wanna run away from that situation.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori... I'm trying to keep you here. I- I don't know how but... can we talk?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"About us?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"What exactly about us?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"About how I-"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"So it's about you."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori... please..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>This time, will Tendou lie again to himself and tell him that he doesn't wanna hear what he has to say?</p><p>Well, at that moment he doesn't really care about what he has to say...</p><p>He just wanna know how Ushijima has been.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Fine. I'll listen."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Few more minutes of staying and Shirabu decided to leave Ushijima to Tendou. </p><p>He never actually felt welcome in that house from the very start.</p><p>He never felt welcomed in Ushijima's life.</p><p> </p><p>Shirabu was gonna say goodbye at least to Tendou when he saw how he was starring at Ushijima.</p><p>That look... he never saw anyone look at him that way and ever looked at anyone the way Tendou looks at Ushijima.</p><p>Come to think of it... all this time he thought he loves Ushijima enough but...</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>His eyes... he loves him that much?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou looks at Ushijima with the eyes of someone who is deeply in love.</p><p>He loves him so deep that it seems to cancel all the love you've ever seen with just that one look.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>With just the way he looks at Ushijima... he makes me like I didn't love Ushijima enough...</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>It makes me feel like I haven't really felt what love is.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu decided to leave without a word.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Thanks."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>It was Eita. He's waiting in front of the apartment building.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Thanks for what?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Thanks for being the one who left. If it's Tendou, I'll probably take him somewhere far away."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You waited for him?'</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I asked for a sign."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'm disappointed. You seem better than someone who will believe signs, Eita."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I only have Tendou. Without him, I have nothing to hold on to so I have to hold onto silly things like signs or I wouldn't know what to do with myself."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"And the sign said?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"The sign said to hear you out..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita and Shirabu went on a standing bar to grab some drinks.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"The truth is, things weren't really supposed to be this way. Wakatoshi... I approached him because he's my muse."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Muse?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I- I do arts. I draw... and Wakatoshi, the moment I saw him, something felt like bloomed inside me. I feel like I can do so much everytime I see him. So I approached him. He's smart, approachable, he carries himself really well... he's just so ideal. It wasn't hard to befriend him. And from the start I was aware... he's transparent... about his relationship with this Tendou Satori. Things weren't supposed to be this way... but Wakatoshi. He's not actually who I taught he was. He's smart, approachable, he carries himself but he's just like us... he's just another weak human being..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita never liked this Shirabu, but what frustrates him more is how he can't actually hate him too.</p><p>He is really good at reading people and situations but this Shirabu, he's like a blank canvas.</p><p>No patterns, no traces, only stains... few faint stains. Maybe this time he'll know the reason why.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Maybe he grew comfortable with me that he'll start acting in his not usual self. He'll start spacing out when there's just two of us. He'll start telling stories about how scared he was when he moved here... how he hates the expectations of his family... how Tendou never asked him to stay with him. He keeps saying that his small town will always be way better than this fancy city coz Tendou isn't here... Wakatoshi, was scared and broken... and those turned into exhaustion and loneliness. That is why one night..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You did it?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'm at fault. We were drinking but none of us were drunk. We were both mad that night. He just wouldn't admit but I think he was. I was mad for people looking down on me for being such a detached and Wakatoshi... he wants to be held back... he wants to be asked to stay... out of our emotion, that happened."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You're both an asshole."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You're no better."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I know."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"But after that, Wakatoshi seemed to realize what he had done. We never did it again even up until now. It was only that one time. He keeps on trying and trying to write a letter to Tendou but he was just so scared and lonely. All this time, after what we did, and after how much it destroyed him... Wakatoshi never blamed me. He still treats me the same way. I felt bad and moved in to take care of him because that time he was starting to crumble..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"So that's it?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'm sorr-"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Please... please don't say you're sorry, Wakatoshi-kun..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>All this time, Ushijima was looking down while explaining his story to Tendou that he never realize when Tendou actually started crying.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"If you're going to say that you're sorry, then how can I hate you?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Please let me say sorry. It was only when I went back there and I was told that you went here to look after me but it's been a year and we still haven't met, that I realized how selfish I've been."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"So you know..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima started crying after he saw how Tendou curved his lips up in a smile while looking at him. It was that smile. The smile felt like a hard slap and Ushijima can't do anything but cry. Tendou is genuinely smiling at him. It's the "It's okay, I'm right here." smile of the person he loves and treasures the most.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"So you know, how selfish you are, Wakatoshi-kun."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori... please, please just get mad at me. Curse at me. That's better. Please tell me you hate me..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I can't..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>"<strong>I wanna ask for your forgiveness... I wanna ask you to let me prove myself..."</strong></p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I can't..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Please, Satori... Satori I-- I wanna ask you to love me back again."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I CAN'T!!! YOU'RE SO SELFISH UP UNTIL NOW ASKING FOR THIS JUST SO YOU CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF!!!"<br/></strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima was taken aback. He never realized that Tendou is capable of reaching that point. Then Tendou seemed to calm down after a few breath.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><strong>"Please Wakatoshi-kun, stop asking me to do those things because it annoys me so much... </strong> <strong>it annoys me coz never have I felt those things towards you..."</strong></p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori-"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I miss you so much, and I still love you so much and I hate it... but I still can't bear to hate you."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori... back then I hated how you never once doubted me that even if I'm going away you just calmly let me. I hated how you just threw me here liked I never matter and you wouldn't bat an eye if something happens... I know you're also doing things your way for the two of us so I kept doing and achieving things on my own because I wanna do all those things for you... but Satori..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima can't see things clearly because of his tears but then he felt a warm hands wiping off the tears in his face.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"I want you to ask me to do things together, Satori. I want you to say "we"."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He couldn't felt his body anymore. He felt weak.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> When we were together we are genuinely happy but it already felt like we were living in a two separate worlds, what more after I moved in Tokyo? The adjustments, work related stress, and expectations that keeps on piling up made my feelings worse... I'm sorry, I'm weak and dumb..."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Next thing he knew, he was sitting with his face buried in Tendou's waist while Tendou is caressing his hair.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Just cry it all out, Wakatoshi-kun... I'm sorry."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. I'm home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><b>”I’m sorry, Wakatoshi-kun... I’m sorry for not opening up you.<br/></b> <b>You must’ve felt lonely and hurt... You must’ve felt like I don’t trust you...<br/></b> <b>but it’s just that I really couldn’t bear let you see what’s inside of me coz it’s dark and cold in here...<br/></b> <b>I don’t want to burden you with my own worries and traumas.”</b></p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <b>”Satori...” </b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p><br/>Ushijima didn’t let go of his arms around Tendou’s waist with his face still buried on it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><b>“I’m sorry for lying to you...<br/></b> <b>I’m sorry for saying I’m okay when I’m not.<br/></b> <b>I’m sorry for saying that I fully trust you when I’m afraid.<br/></b> <b>I’m sorry for saying ‘It’s nothing’ when I’m actually crumbling up.<br/></b> <b>Wakatoshi-kun, I was also scared back then when you asked me about us separating, but I just can’t be honest and add more to your fears...”</b></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p><br/>Tendou kneel down infront of Ushijima and cups his face.<br/><br/></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>“I’m sorry... it must’ve burdened you a lot?<br/>To do everything just so you can always comfort while all I do is keep my thoughts and my feelings hidden from you.<br/>It must've have been lonely right, Wakatoshi-kun?<br/>To be with each other yet we're not really together?"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He smiled, a genuinely. The smile that Ushijima treasures. He smiled at him and wipes his tears.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><strong>"I wanna tell you I'm sorry for being like this... </strong> <strong>and other than that...<br/></strong> <strong>I wanna tell you that you did really well...<br/></strong> <strong>I wanna tell you that I'm thankful for enduring those things for me... <br/></strong> <strong>and I'm also thankful for... he is Shirabu, right?<br/></strong> <strong>I wanna thank him for keeping you together... </strong> <strong>if it's wasn't him, you would've crumbled...<br/></strong> <strong>I would've lose you if it wasn't for him."</strong></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Ushijima holds Tendou's hand, put it down while he cups Tendou's face this time.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'm really sorry, Satori. Please..."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"But right now, that's all I have to say, Wakatoshi-kun."</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>Tendou stood up and walks out of the house without looking back. Ushijima was left alone, crying, without even a pinch of energy to call Tendou back.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I'm sorry Wakatoshi-Kun. I don't know what I would think or feel if I stayed a little more.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Okaeri!"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita greeted Tendou just like before. Tendou is carefully watching Eita, wary of what he might ask.l</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori, I wouldn't ask you anything. Go take a bath and rest."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Mhn."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Oh and also, I don't really have time to interrogate you. I am going on a business trip tomorrow."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Until when?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'm not actually sure. It's a short notice."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou was worried about Eita, knowing him, he probably just agreed on that business trip because he wanna cover his thoughts with other things.</p><p>That night they ate together. Tendou loosen up the tension and they managed to bring how they usually are back.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Bring home my favorite chocolate ice cream."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Do you think they have that there?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"But that's what I want."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You're really gonna make me search for that again?"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou didn't answer. He just stare ate Eita with a faintly pouting lips.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Fine. I'll bring you that when I come back."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Promise?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Childish."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou laughed once again as if nothing bad happened.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I hope Satori can just stay laughing and smiling like this forever.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[After 3 days]</strong>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Satori, Are you not home?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I told you to call me your wife!"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Oh please stop."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Hahahaha! I went out to get some snacks, I'm already on my way back. Are you hungry?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I am."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I left some food there. Heat it in the microwave, I'm near already."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Naah. I don't want that."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Hey! I cooked that!"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"But I don't want that."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN?!"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou walked towards their apartment building with heavy footsteps. His husband is being a pain in the ass, he thought. </p><p>But he is also kinda happy that he called him first for the first time. He's pouting and throwing tantrums but he can't wait to tease Eita again.</p><p>He ready his wide smile to greet him even though they're still on phone.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"I want you to be happy, Satori.”</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Tendou opened the door with his wide smile and his loud voice.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Tadaima!"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>But he froze smiling as he hears Eita's voice in the other line and see a different person waiting for him inside.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Okaeri, Satori."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>After those last words from Eita, Eita ended the call that left Tendou and Ushijima crying without any words or sounds.</p><p>They're not even aware that they started crying but their eyes did.</p><p>Maybe they don't really need words, or sounds, or anything else.</p><p>Maybe they only need to see each other's face and look at each other's eyes...</p><p>Maybe... they just need each other.</p><p>And after that, it's up to their heart to decide.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Okaeri, Satori."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>After those word, Eita ended the call and smiled.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>That actually hurts more than how I expected it to be, huh.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He take a deep breathe and walked down the station.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Eita! Eita Semi!"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Shirabu?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"You're dumb."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Eita smiled at Shirabu who's now walking towards him.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"I'm sure you didn't come to see me just to say that I'm dumb right?"</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>They walked to the station and found a bench where they sat down for a short talk.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"You set everything up, right?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"Mhn."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"What if Tendou hates you? I think he's trying his best so that he won't hurt you."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I don't want him to lie to himself anymore. Ever since we were young he's always considering others before himself, he'll always choose things even if he doesn't want it just so other will be okay. It's time that he decide without thinking of anyone. If I stayed there, he will surely choose to consider me again before himself. It's time he choose himself."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"He sounds like someone I'll never be. No wonder Wakatoshi loves him so much. He'll love no one else than Tendou. That's for sure."</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"There is no one else for them. They really are made for each other.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"What if Tendou won't forgive Ushijima for what we've done?"</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>"I doubt... but to be honest, hell I care about if he'll forgive Ushijima or not. I am not in any way justifying cheating but I just think that Satori should choose himself and what he wants for himself this time... and if it's still Ushijima... then I won't do anything about it anymore."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Few more minutes, Shirabu handed a brown paper bag with 2 portraits on it.</p><p>He painted Eita with Tendou smiling. It's like Shirabu managed to capture the sweetest memory of Tendou in Eita's mind.</p><p>And another one is just like the first one, it's just like Shirabu captured Eita's deepest wish.</p><p>It's a portrait of Eita, alone, but there is no pain or longing. He looks just like free and happy.</p><p>Eita smiled. He finally confirmed that Shirabu really is a remarkable one.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Oh, Shirabu. I'm sorry for calling Ushijima and taking him away from you."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Shirabu smiled.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>"Maybe it doesn't look like it... but I want Wakatoshi to be happy too. Also...</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>I can't turn back time to correct things so I don't have any reason to keep him...</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>After all, I am just a mistake."</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>• End •</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! </p><p>This is the last chapter. I did a simple ending. I really hope that you liked the story 😭</p><p>I will really appreciate if you’ll let me know what you think. </p><p>Once again thank you so much for reading! 😭❤️</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! </p><p>To start, kindly understand if there will be lots of grammatical mistakes since english is not my first language but I still hope you’ll enjoy :)</p><p>This will be a short AU but will be uploaded per chapter. Updates will be uploaded every night so keep in touch :)</p><p>This is also my first time writing a Haikyuu fic.  </p><p>Please let me know what you think. Thank you so much! :)<br/>Also, to those Filipino readers, here's the playlist that my friend made for this AU:</p><p>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/41SVq0Wszri278i49qFgbh?si=lM_hM33USCa12-3ehfrnjQ</p><p>________________________________</p><p>@langwangxian Thank you for introducing me to our amazing UshiTen ship. This story is for you &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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